Ask Sunny: I Keep Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Dear Waiting,

First, congratulations on the good thing. Second, you are not broken. You are running a very old program. Somewhere along the way your mind learned that calm is the part before the storm, so now it treats peace like a fire alarm. That was protection once. It is just outdated software now, and the good news is that software can be updated.

Here is your homework. When the scanning starts, name it: “This is my brain trying to protect me from a storm that is not on the radar.” You do not have to argue with the feeling, just file it correctly. Feelings are real, but they are not always news.

Then do one small thing that tells your nervous system the opposite story: send the normal text, make the plan for next weekend, let the “k” just be a “k” (some people simply text like that, and honestly, we should all be so unbothered).

One more thing about the almost-fight, because that is the part I would not skip past. Picking a fight to end the suspense is the mind choosing a small pain it controls over a big one it does not. It feels like honesty. It is actually just impatience wearing honesty’s coat. When you catch yourself reaching for it, say the true sentence instead: I am scared this is going too well. That sentence is a hundred times more vulnerable than a fight, and it is the one that actually gets you closer to him.

And if the shoe ever does drop? You will handle it then, with both hands free, because you were not holding your breath for three months. Do not spend the sunny days rehearsing for rain.

Sunny

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